sarah silverman gets real with jesus

PSA. www.ladypartsjustice.com

#g-dbless

Repairs begin after Christ the Redeemer statue struck by lightning in Brazil: http://t.co/yJXqsqXs4f pic.twitter.com/kP2e95UZH0

— Mashable (@mashable) January 22, 2014

jesus christ, bubbles!

(via)

jesus is a biscuit

jesus took the bread and broke it, saying "take, eat, this is my body" aka: jesus is a biscuit

time for an astronomy lesson.

this easter weekend brings us one of zombie jesus's many gifts for which we are perpetually indebted until we repay Him with the forgiveness of a thousand slaughtered bunnies. i think that's how the bible goes. anyway, listen up!

Traditionally, the April full moon is known as "the Pink Moon," supposedly as a tribute to the grass pink or wild ground phlox, considered one of the earliest widespread flowers of the spring. Other monikers include the Full Sprouting Grass Moon, the Egg Moon and, among coastal Native American tribes, the Full Fish Moon, for when the shad came upstream to spawn.

The first full moon of spring is usually designated as the Paschal Full Moon or the Paschal Term. Traditionally, Easter is observed on the Sunday after the Paschal Full Moon. If the Paschal Moon occurs on a Sunday, Easter is the following Sunday.

Following these rules, we find that the date of Easter can fall as early as March 22 and as late as April 25. Pope Gregory XIII decreed this in 1582 as part of the Gregorian calendar. So according to the current ecclesiastical rules, Easter Sunday in 2012 is to be celebrated April 8. (via)

everyone keep your peepers open for the full sprouting grass moon tonight! also, watch where you step because i heard thomas wilhelm's shad came upstream to spawn, iykwim.

i wish someone would roll tim tebow's corpse into a cave and throw away the key.

Tim Tebow will deliver the Easter sermon on Sunday at the Celebration Church in Georgetown, Texas, and the expected turnout is one more indication of Tebow’s enormous popularity.

The church told local TV station KVUE that it’s erecting bleachers on its 60-acre outdoor space for what it expects to be a crowd of as many as 30,000 people.

“Obviously it’s our Super Bowl,” said Joe Champion, pastor at the Celebration Church. “Easter is the resurrection of Christ, which we celebrate in our faith. We feel like it’s going to be a testimony to the community. We want it to be a family event.” (via)

that's nasty.

what are you giving up for lent?

i'm giving up not eating cadbury mini eggs.

share your lenten resolution in the comments!

dave and i made this for you.

this weirdo is the current reigning champion of the teachers' tournament on jeopardy this week. he is so WEIRD! and smug. and insufferable. and we had to tell you about him. watch him tonight.

justin biebers that look like lesbians

here he is in V magazine. he's on the cover, and it looks like this. oh, and did you see his new tattoo?

thomas wilhelm, when are you getting your earrings?

what is starla doing this weekend?

i asked her if she wanted to hang out and she said she couldn't this weekend because she had "this church thang" and had to "do some wig-shoppin'" before.

barack obama : anti-christ?

some weirdo decided to go and shout the following at the president in LA yesterday:

"Christian God is the one and only true living God! The creator of Heaven and the universe! Jesus Christ is God! Jesus Christ is God! Jesus Christ is God! You are the anti-Christ!"

reminds me of what those KKK guys shouted right before they shot up chalkie's bootlegging barn on boardwalk empire. barack played it cool, as always. #spoileralertretroactive.

jfc.

guess who made a BFD of wishing elvis presley a happy birthday today.

guess what else. today isnt even his bearthdie. its his deathday. way to rub it in, michele.

pope thing #4 (or, #1 pope)

did you know that the first pope was peter; like, bible peter. in fact, not only was he in the bible, he wrote a bunch of it. he plays a part in plenty of funny bible stories, so if you get a chance you could read some of them.

this is a picture someone took of jesus literally giving peter the keys to heaven. i wonder if those keys are hidden somewhere in the vatican... i bet tom hanks and amelie could find them.

pope thing #2

when i got to reading about that pope assassination attempt, it reminded me of other things i happen to think are awesome about the pope.

awesome pope thing #1: immortal (see previous post)

awesome pope thing #2: THOSE CLOTHES

seriously, just google papal vestments. if youre wearing a hat, hold the F onto it. popes get the best outfits. everyday is like a royal wedding to jesus.

lady gaga : judas (video)

guess what song madonna released in the same year as "express yourself" (the song lady gaga ripped off to make her last single, 'born this way'). next up: "cherish"

what was patrick halley doing 15 years ago?

thx benvance!

merry kismas

via

try not to DIE watching this!

thxsomuch liz!!

so um...how about that smaller federal government stuff?

remember when republicans wrote their "pledge to america", stating "we will stand committed to our principles and fight to renew the drive for a smaller... (federal) government". and then yesterday, republican leaders were all "the democrats need to stop wasting time on '...controversial items such as immigration, a repeal of "don't ask, don't tell...'". tmai.

well, they are getting down to some m-f-ing brass tacks; reducing the reach of the federal government and focusing on the real problems facing american families by insisting the smithsonian portrait gallery remove some gay video art. THANK PISS JESUS!

i will be the first and the loudest to say video art is the absolute worst. and gay video art? ...whhhhhell, if you're looking for the root of the economic recession, and sky-high unemployment, look no further than gay video art. any economist will tell you that as the presence of gay video art increases, short-term lines of credit sink like a weighted crucifix in a vat of artist piss. sorry, but those are the facts. deal with it.

[nymag]

omf.

is he going to move the ACTUAL capitol building to chattanooga?

LOVE that logo!!