let's talk about old jewish men sucking blood off of babies' penises.

during my morning commute new york times reading, i nearly spat my iced coffee all over my iphone screen when i came across this story:

The grandmother carried the sleeping infant boy on a white pillow toward the synagogue’s altar, and passed him to her son. Her son carried the infant toward the mohel, or Jewish ritual circumciser, who stood amid a cluster of chanting men.

The mohel lifted the infant’s clothing to expose his tiny penis. With a rapid flick of a sharp two-sided scalpel, the mohel sliced off the foreskin and held it between his fingers. Then he took a sip of red wine from a cup and bent his head. He placed his lips below the cut, around the base of the baby’s penis, for a split second, creating suction, then let the wine spill from his mouth out over the wound. (via)

this prompted me to immediately stop reading and text thomas wilhelm (obviously), who replied with:

"oh yeah. you didn't know about rabbi baby dick sucking? grossest thing."

the most insane part is that the act itself wasn't even the newsmaking portion of the article. it turns out there is somewhat of an epidemic of mohels (baby d s-ers) transitting herpes to unsuspecting jewish infants. the city is attempting to pass legislation that will ban old men from putting their mouths on infant genitalia require parents sign a consent form showing that they understand the health risks of this religious practice.

a few hours later, i still cant stop thinking about this. so i wanted to see what joel thought about it:

me: i need to ask you a very serious question
Joel: go on
me: did you know that THIS happens? (link)
Joel: i didnt know about the jewish infant vampire blowjob
me: isnt that alarming
Joel: yeah
why take the risk
and ok, its an important tradition. whats the big deal with getting the parents to sign a consent form.
why isnt there ALREADY a consent form?
me: my question is
do they insist on tradition when circumsizing a grown man
how is it not a criminal activity in today's modern society
if a regular gentile man did that to a gentile baby
they would lock him up and throw away the key
Joel: its stupid and gross and sick and dangerous
and shouldnt be protected because it is "religious"
what if my religion said that i should kill any babies born with a vagina sorry, its my religion
i think we should use our platform on 2pz to facilitate an internet discussion
me: good idea

so?!? what are YOUR thoughts?

why red?

this kid has his shit figured out.

thx susanne!

GREAT news!

nightmares DO come un-true! penn state never beat us in that outback bowl 5 years ago!

Penn State vacated 112 wins and late coach Joe Paterno vacated 111 on Monday, including one over Tennessee.

The Nittany Lions upset four-point favorite UT 20-10 in the Outback Bowl in Tampa, Fla., on Jan. 1, 2007.

The game is best remembered — and painfully so — by Tennessee fans for running back Arian Foster's fourth-quarter fumble that was returned 88 yards for a touchdown by Penn State defender Tony Davis.

The game's pivotal play came as the Vols were on the march looking to break a 10-10 tie that had stood since the second quarter.

Paterno, watching from the press box due to a broken leg---THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO THE STORY! (via)

we won! WE WON!!!!

ONE MONTH, Y'ALL!!

fair is fair.

The NCAA has given an unprecedented and harsh punishment to Penn State football, handing down a four-year postseason ban and a $60 million fine for covering up the sexual abuse crimes of former coach Jerry Sandsuky. In addition, the school is on a five-year probation that slashes scholarships to unheard of levels and vacated all of its wins since 1998, when the cover-up began. The $60 million fine was determined as the equivalent of one-year of gross revenue for the football program, and that money will be used to set up an endowment to to benefit victims of child abuse. (via)

Never Forget!

I just found out that I share my b-day with JonBenét Ramsey! August 6th! WoooOOOttT wOOOoooTTt!!!  Mark your calendars!

woody allen mondays

I watched the first half of a really good documentary about Woody Allen and his movies. I love this opening sequence.

nerd alert, American Masters on PBS is also made a doc about Charles and Ray Eames jicyww.

good call kylie

joe pa: out

joe pa's statement

released today:

“I am absolutely devastated by the developments in this case. I grieve for the children and their families, and I pray for their comfort and relief.

I have come to work every day for the last 61 years with one clear goal in mind: To serve the best interests of this university and the young men who have been entrusted to my care. I have the same goal today.

That’s why I have decided to announce my retirement effective at the end of this season. At this moment the Board of Trustees should not spend a single minute discussing my status. They have far more important matters to address. I want to make this as easy for them as I possibly can.

This is a tragedy. It is one of the great sorrows of my life. With the benefit of hindsight, I wish I had done more.

My goals now are to keep my commitments to my players and staff and finish the season with dignity and determination. And then I will spend the rest of my life doing everything I can to help this University.” (via)

oh, my two cents? well, it seems a bit presumptuous of him to release a statement, without facing the press, students, or alumni in person, in which he determines his own fate. he is basically instructing the board to let him finish up his season, and not to fire him. and i'm not certain that he's deserving of that level of control over the situation that he directly or indirectly enabled.

what do y'all think?

this is not a joke.

this is the ACTUAL cover of jerry sandusky's autobiography, published in 2000. no. joke.

how do you fire someone who's already dead?

turns out he's still alive. but not for long:

STATE COLLEGE, Pa. — Joe Paterno’s tenure as coach of the Penn State football team will soon be over, perhaps within days or weeks, in the wake of a sex-abuse scandal that has implicated university officials, according to two people briefed on conversations among the university’s top officials.

The board of trustees has yet to determine the precise timing of Paterno’s exit, but it is clear that the man who has more victories than any other coach at college football’s top level and who made Penn State a prestigious national brand will not survive to coach another season. (via)

thx libby!


here's an interview with a sports journalist lady from YES who attended penn state and has covered their football program. interesting insight.

ever wonder what the penn state coaching staff does with their spare time?

oh, nothing. just molests children. is all. read all about it here.

i think thomas wilhelm put it best:

"i haven't read it, it's so damn long. all i know is that some assistant coach diddled some kids or something and joe paterno was all, nbd. and he's probably rolling in his grave now that this story is out in the public."

a couple random pictures from my phone

1. a mop taking a dump.

2. free toys in brooklyn heights! (please note the dewar's scotch bottle).

what is starla doing this weekend?

zomg 0:26!

thx starla!

help the chubby ginger kid

"...and now i need some help getting out."

"...i'm sinking..."

thank you someone for taking this picture

via

actually....he's a boy.

How To Find A Masculine Halloween Costume For Your Effeminate Son

the internet works

LOL

gchatz w/ mom

(after i sent her that kathy griffin video down there...)

Jan: that wasn't too funny

me: oh

Jan: but it was worth a watch

me: i just like the 'drink the tears of fame...bottoms up'

Jan: yeah...that was a good one

you always see the glass half full

me: and i always like when people refer to their children as little shits

reminds me of my own childhood

Jan: i was just thinking the same thing

but my favorite verbal abuse was when I called you guys 'children of the corn"

me: ctm

my favorite story of all tiem is when you chased us with a meat tenderizer

Jan: omg...did i really

me: omg you dont remember?

its a great story

you used to always threaten us with a wooden spoon

Jan: NO

I remember wooden spoons

me: and one day....you went to the drawer...and i think we were laughing at your threats

Jan: r u making that up
me: and you pulled out the meat tenderizer instead

Jan: wow...did i catch you

me: and markie and i went running

into your room

in the ravenwood house

and behind the bed

Jan: that must've been pre-Prozac

me: and you came in after us and were standing over us with it and then you just started laughing

Jan: oh thank god

i was about to turn myself in to the cops

me: haha

it was the best joke ever