YAS CARRYING

this news is 24 hours old...

...but i'm still thinking about it. read how terrible HJ landlords rip off black people to line their pockets by aiding gentrification.

I got used to it. And I understand it. Not all Jewish people are nice people. Every tree has a bad apple. Some of them are really nasty and can trick their tenants. But some of the tenants put up such a fight that you have to trick them. I used to do that — but I don’t do that anymore. I did that once four years ago. I told someone, “I’m going to give you twenty grand to move — just move out first, and then I’ll give you the money.” And then I screwed them. I gave him something but not the money I told him. And he couldn’t come back to me because he wasn’t even legally supposed to live there. (via)

i have my suspicions about this article in general. it seems crazy that this guy would put all his tactics out there for the world to read.

whatever you do, do not read the comments.

the very best present a jewish mother can buy her son as he enters manhood

a fully choreographed christina aguilera dance routine in front of all of his friends and family. i. am. so. jealous. look how happy he is. no one should ever be allowed to be that happy. via.

let's talk about old jewish men sucking blood off of babies' penises.

during my morning commute new york times reading, i nearly spat my iced coffee all over my iphone screen when i came across this story:

The grandmother carried the sleeping infant boy on a white pillow toward the synagogue’s altar, and passed him to her son. Her son carried the infant toward the mohel, or Jewish ritual circumciser, who stood amid a cluster of chanting men.

The mohel lifted the infant’s clothing to expose his tiny penis. With a rapid flick of a sharp two-sided scalpel, the mohel sliced off the foreskin and held it between his fingers. Then he took a sip of red wine from a cup and bent his head. He placed his lips below the cut, around the base of the baby’s penis, for a split second, creating suction, then let the wine spill from his mouth out over the wound. (via)

this prompted me to immediately stop reading and text thomas wilhelm (obviously), who replied with:

"oh yeah. you didn't know about rabbi baby dick sucking? grossest thing."

the most insane part is that the act itself wasn't even the newsmaking portion of the article. it turns out there is somewhat of an epidemic of mohels (baby d s-ers) transitting herpes to unsuspecting jewish infants. the city is attempting to pass legislation that will ban old men from putting their mouths on infant genitalia require parents sign a consent form showing that they understand the health risks of this religious practice.

a few hours later, i still cant stop thinking about this. so i wanted to see what joel thought about it:

me: i need to ask you a very serious question
Joel: go on
me: did you know that THIS happens? (link)
Joel: i didnt know about the jewish infant vampire blowjob
me: isnt that alarming
Joel: yeah
why take the risk
and ok, its an important tradition. whats the big deal with getting the parents to sign a consent form.
why isnt there ALREADY a consent form?
me: my question is
do they insist on tradition when circumsizing a grown man
how is it not a criminal activity in today's modern society
if a regular gentile man did that to a gentile baby
they would lock him up and throw away the key
Joel: its stupid and gross and sick and dangerous
and shouldnt be protected because it is "religious"
what if my religion said that i should kill any babies born with a vagina sorry, its my religion
i think we should use our platform on 2pz to facilitate an internet discussion
me: good idea

so?!? what are YOUR thoughts?

ctm anti-semites

TEHRAN, Iran -- Iran objects to the logo for the 2012 London Olympics, contending it is racist because it resembles the word "Zion" and warning of a possible boycott of the Games.

They are urging other Muslim states to oppose the "racist logo."

I don't like the logo because it's ugly, but since you all know how much I like to incite hatred (being a conservative and all), I think I'll start liking it.

source

drake: "I'm one of the best Jews ever to do it."

cant argue with that jew. didn't know he was one. achoo.

happy hanukkah!

(is it still hannukah?)

just found this in the 2Pz gmail inbox, which we've encouraged you to use but hardly ever check. it was sent by sara jane a few days ago, so here it is for your enjoyment. thx sj!

sux2b carl paladino.

this story really got me gigglin' during my morning commute:

a couple of days ago, republican gubernatorial candidate and noted kook, carl paladino, apologized for being a gaycist prick while delivering a speech written by sassy rabbi, yehuda levin, over the weekend.

so, yesterday, the rabbi expressed his disappointment in paladino, in a public speech in front of st patrick's cathedral on fifth avenue. this guy is a real hoot:

first, he said that paladino "folded like a cheap camera"?!!! i'm fairly sure that's not how that saying goes, and i just love a good mixed metaphor, so i had to read on.

next, he told this cartoonish story about learning of paladino's camera-folding:

“I was in the middle of eating a kosher pastrami sandwich,” Rabbi Levin said. "While I was eating it, they come running and they say, ‘Paladino became gay!’ I said, ‘What?’ And then they showed me the statement. I almost choked on the kosher salami.”

CTM! can you imagine?!?! paladino pointed to the fact that his nephew is gay as a point of regret in making insensitive comments, to which the rabbi responded:

“He discovered now he has a gay nephew?” the rabbi said. “Mazel tov! We’ll make a coming-out party!”

mazel tov, indeed. no matter how *tiCkeD* the rabbi is, he made it clear that his old gay-bashing friend is welcome back to hateville any time he likes:

“Carl, we’ll leave the light on for you,” he said. “Come back, Carl.”

shew! i hope carl has learned his lesson about pandering to the radical beliefs of a specific demographic in order to secure their votes. looks like cuomo's picked up a couple more points in the polls. brb folding like a cheap crate of bananas.

not surprising.

did you guys hear what teabagging new york gubernatorial candidate carl paladino said yesterday, while speaking to a group of orthodox jews in williamsburg, of all places?

"There is nothing to be proud of in being a dysfunctional homosexual. That's not how god created us, and that's not the example that we should be showing our children. Children would be much better off and much more successful getting married and raising a family than being gay. And I don't want them brainwashed into thinking homosexuality is an equally valid and successful option - it isn't." (via)

brainwashed! well, he's just looking out for the success of your children. so. oh, and one more thing:

Paladino also told the largely Hasidic Jewish audience that he supports a program to provide tax breaks to people whose children attend private or religious schools. Paladino said he believes there's a way to structure the program so it doesn't violate the separation of church and state and can withstand legal challenges. (via)

what a pander bear!

well, that's interesting.

turns out atheists and jews know more about the bible than christians!

Researchers from the independent Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life phoned more than 3,400 Americans and asked them 32 questions about the Bible, Christianity and other world religions, famous religious figures and the constitutional principles governing religion in public life.

On average, people who took the survey answered half the questions incorrectly, and many flubbed even questions about their own faith.

Those who scored the highest were atheists and agnostics, as well as two religious minorities: Jews and Mormons. The results were the same even after the researchers controlled for factors like age and racial differences. (via)

test your knowledge in a similar quiz, here.

sukkah shitty.

john, liz herber, and i went to see the sukkahs in union square yesterday. they were mostly disappointing, often looking very little like their renderings. i suppose that's to be expected. from what i can tell, the 12 finalists were given $10,000 to construct their proposals. anyway, here are some pixies.

this one, called the shim sukkah, was unanimously our favorite construction.

come on.

this team used a portion of their stipend to buy signs made by homelesses. nice idea.

pretty strings.

this'n looked like something a cat coughed up on the outside, but the plants suspended inside were very pretty. 

you can just click here to see all the finalists' proposals, and vote too if you want too.

what are you doing this weekend?

everyone's favorite jewish holiday, sukkot, is rapidly approaching. (i know!) to celebrate, you have to eat all your meals in a hut with a view of the sky, but only for the man. at least that's what john told me. this year, there is a design competition going on called sukkah city:

The design competition Sukkah City encouraged its entrants—all 600 of them, from 43 countries—to marry religious tradition with architectural radicalism in the timely form of short-term shelter. A jury chose twelve finalists, whose structures will stand in Union Square on September 19 and 20; by voting here, you, our readers, will choose the winner. It’ll be on view until October 2. (via)

so get out to union square this weekend and check 'em out. there's a slideshow of the finalists here.

shana tova y'all

blow your shofar if you got one

getting ready for friday

kylie and i had a brief conversation today about the importance of the USA v Slovenia game on friday, so i decided to go ahead and pick my American futbol favorite. i just wanted to make sure i start putting out the vibe early.

you already know my french favorite, my former french favorite, kylie's favorite, and my overall futbol favorite. now im proud to annouce, BENNY FEILHABER, my aMeRiCaN fUtBoL FaVoRiTe. Benny is a jewish capricorn, who was born in Brazil (you know what that means) and moved to Scarsdale when he was 6. He also loves Jordin Sparks (evidence below). i feel like that is all i really need to say by way of explanation. click here for the interview magazine profile. now you pick your favorite.


Benny Feilhaber mimes No Air
Uploaded by Awsmsteph. - More professional, college and classic sports videos.

old jews telling jokes

this is the kind of thing i want to be a part of. via.

this looks real good.

it's like...

...you have to wear fur for religious ceremonies, but you can't wear fur, because it's against your religion.

International animal-rights activists are campaigning for Israel to become the first country in the world to ban the sale of fur.

A bill to make Israel fur-free is being debated in the Knesset, pitting animal-rights campaigners against the lobbyists for the global fur industry and the ultra-Orthodox Jewish community, which says the fur ban is an affront to its religious identity. (via)

there's a reason the moon never shows it's backside...

forest hills state of mind

rachel dratch, yes.

happy hannukah!

hannukah starts tonight, jicydak. here's an interesting story about a current exhibit at new york's jewish museum, which investigates the role of ritual in modern timez, with a heavy focus on contemporary art + design. (via)