John: so weird
i just got a message from you that says "bye!"
and it's time stamped 5:41 pm
i assume that was from you yesterday
a message from the past!
me: maybe it was from the future
John: i hope so
me: its from beyond the grave
John: it's like a message in a bottle
me: its from 5.41pm on the day i die
John: that's sweet
wish there was a date
so you could prepare
me: i know what it is. but ill never tell you
John: the date you'll die on?
me: i will say that its after you
but i also know that we will have gchat in the afterlife
John: i'm not so sure of that
me: i'm saying bye because ill be on my way to heaven
and you're somewhere else
John: what if you go at my doing?
me: you actually die while attempting to murder me
John: that would explain why i'm somewhere else
this is so complicated
me: thats how i know i outlive you
John: your death is too complicated
me: i've seen it
in a beautiful nightmare
your death is VERY simple
John: explain
i would like to keep my death simple
i prefer the term "understated"
me: if you can describe bleeding to death from a slit throat as understated, then yes
John: that doesn't seem simple at all
it seems long!
me: simple for me
of course, it can all be avoided
if you never cross me
you wont get your throat slit
John: well then, when i come to kill you i know to wear a protective collar
and you know i love an accessory
gonna stock up on chain-mail collars
me: i'm going to slit your other throat
iykwim
John: i can wear protection down there too
all my arteries will be protected when i decide to do you in
me: i'm going to give you a new smile. down there.
John: now you've lost me
you're going to give me a colombian necktie on my dick?
me: just keep your hands off me and you'll be fine
John: but i'm going to wear all sorts of protection, so i'll be fine regardless of what i do
Showing posts with label gchatz. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gchatz. Show all posts
12 August 2016
12 November 2015
thursday vibez
me: im not doing any more work today!
if anyone tries to make me work again today, im going to forfeit this weekend's football game
Joel: LOL
me: i've created a safe space and everyone must respect it
Joel: triggers include
elevation
sketch
detail
contractor
me: hardware, bar grilles, laminate
the word "paint"
the words "diaper changing station"
Joel: proposal
contract
me: for your review. no comments, please.
if anyone tries to make me work again today, im going to forfeit this weekend's football game
Joel: LOL
me: i've created a safe space and everyone must respect it
Joel: triggers include
elevation
sketch
detail
contractor
me: hardware, bar grilles, laminate
the word "paint"
the words "diaper changing station"
Joel: proposal
contract
me: for your review. no comments, please.
17 March 2014
30 July 2013
gchatz w/ thomas wilhelm
John: oh, sorry, i have to change the subject really quickly. speaking of serial killers
me: k
John: i was walking down broadway
and this guy comes up behind me singing opera or something
terribly
just sort of shrieking
so i avoided him and let him pass
wanted to keep my distance
that was probably at like 20th and broadway
then i was on 5th at about 24th
and i see this tall thin well dressed black guy
and i like the shirt he's wearing
so i sort of turn to get a better look as he passed me
and i hear someone say "i saw you look BEEEYUUUUTCH!"
me: omg ctmol
John: and for a moment i just keep walking looking forward
not sure what just happened
so i turn around, and i'm just sure it's going to be someone i know
and it's that weird guy who was shrieking
and my mouth falls open a little, and i say, "i just liked his shirt!"
me: omg you engaged?
John: and he goes, "it's okay, we ALLL look."
and we went on our merry little ways
me: aaaaahahahahha
John: it was so fucking weird
me: k
John: i was walking down broadway
and this guy comes up behind me singing opera or something
terribly
just sort of shrieking
so i avoided him and let him pass
wanted to keep my distance
that was probably at like 20th and broadway
then i was on 5th at about 24th
and i see this tall thin well dressed black guy
and i like the shirt he's wearing
so i sort of turn to get a better look as he passed me
and i hear someone say "i saw you look BEEEYUUUUTCH!"
me: omg ctmol
John: and for a moment i just keep walking looking forward
not sure what just happened
so i turn around, and i'm just sure it's going to be someone i know
and it's that weird guy who was shrieking
and my mouth falls open a little, and i say, "i just liked his shirt!"
me: omg you engaged?
John: and he goes, "it's okay, we ALLL look."
and we went on our merry little ways
me: aaaaahahahahha
John: it was so fucking weird
10 July 2012
02 July 2012
oldest news on the internet alert!
John: no, but anderson cooper might be
now that he doesn't have to live in shame anymore
me: is he out?
John: offish
as of today
me: thank goodness
22 June 2012
17 May 2012
gchatz with starla
me: i hope my dvr recorded this
starla: stopitrightnow
me: i can't wait to watch that
starla: i mean
tlc has really gone above and beyond
me: they have certainly gone above and beyond something
i'm just not sure if it's some sort of standard, or simply decorum in general
starla: all of the above
06 April 2012
gchatz w/ john
me: this jet crash is so weird
sounds like a few people are having a bad friday
John: can you imagine
i think i'll take good friday off and stay at HOME
making yourself some fishsticks
waiting for easter
me: omg fishsticks
John: well, no meat on friday!
me: ctm
John: i imagine someone in mid bite when a jet peels off their roof
23 February 2012
g.animalz's spirit animalz
me: wanna help me assign a spirit animal?
Joel: yeah
me: ok clear your mind
i'm going to send you a picture
and you yell out the first person that comes into your brain
ready?
Joel: ok
Joel: looks like grace to me
18 January 2012
gchatz w/ john
John: also, while i support this, it's sort of upsetting that this is finally facing such major opposition while the defense authorization act which legalized indefinite detention of american citizens without trial just breezed by.
me: illegally detained prisoners cant show me unlimited baby sloth videos
John: that's true
if i had unfettered access to videos of baby sloths while being indefinitely detained in cuba, i wouldn't exactly call that prison.
or torture
i guess you have to pick your battles
me: i just tried to wikipedia something
son of a
me: illegally detained prisoners cant show me unlimited baby sloth videos
John: that's true
if i had unfettered access to videos of baby sloths while being indefinitely detained in cuba, i wouldn't exactly call that prison.
or torture
i guess you have to pick your battles
me: i just tried to wikipedia something
son of a
04 January 2012
#whitegirlproblems
Joel: speaking of basketballz
i want to watch the grizz game
but the stupid tv is playing the knicks game and the nets game and some other dumb game
me: did you know memphis and tennessee are playing each other right now?
Joel: i didnt know!
me: also not on tv
Joel: god DAMMIT
this would never happen in tennessee
...
Joel: i wonder if that bar mulligans would play the grizz for me
if i was wearing my grizz hat
me: definitely
im pretty sure its not called that
but i just know they would
Joel: oh
whats it called
mcfaddens?
me: mcsorleys?
dan mcguinness
Joel: flying saucer
me: cool beans
Joel: yeah i think thats it
i want to watch the grizz game
but the stupid tv is playing the knicks game and the nets game and some other dumb game
me: did you know memphis and tennessee are playing each other right now?
Joel: i didnt know!
me: also not on tv
Joel: god DAMMIT
this would never happen in tennessee
...
Joel: i wonder if that bar mulligans would play the grizz for me
if i was wearing my grizz hat
me: definitely
im pretty sure its not called that
but i just know they would
Joel: oh
whats it called
mcfaddens?
me: mcsorleys?
dan mcguinness
Joel: flying saucer
me: cool beans
Joel: yeah i think thats it
27 December 2011
18 October 2011
finally!
John: here's an idea for rachel
me: that looks more like a cockroach than a lobster
John: but it would cover her face and muffle her voice
me: you know what that reminds me of
John: you bitch
me: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
me: that looks more like a cockroach than a lobster
John: but it would cover her face and muffle her voice
me: you know what that reminds me of
John: you bitch
me: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
25 August 2011
gchatz w/ john
John: i can't wait to see new yorkers freaking out about this
they aren't going to know what to do with themselves
me: i know
its going to peter out
i just know it
John: one thing is for sure
they're building it up so much, it can't possibly be as bad as they're making it seem
me: yeah
i mean theyre really going over the top
John: it seems the real horrible things happen when you least expect them to
i'm looking at you fukushima daichi
they aren't going to know what to do with themselves
me: i know
its going to peter out
i just know it
John: one thing is for sure
they're building it up so much, it can't possibly be as bad as they're making it seem
me: yeah
i mean theyre really going over the top
John: it seems the real horrible things happen when you least expect them to
i'm looking at you fukushima daichi
22 August 2011
gchatz w/ john
re: this.
me: i just did the unthinkable
and wikipedia'd "placenta" at work
John: i did too!
me: omg
so the umbilical cord
plugs into the placenta?
which is like nature's electrical outlet?
John: yeah
the placenta is the intermediate between the mother's body and the baby, via the umbilical cord
it's sort of a filter
me: its a magic blanket?
John: it's also, as i would have imagined, tough and fibrous
at least with the macaque monkey
me: like a steak?
John: idk. maybe like horse meat
me: never had it
guess what your new nickname is
John: macaque monkey?
me: close
placental expulsion
John: no
that's emily
you know it fits her better
me: i dont care whom it is
as long as someone gets it
John: emily
me: done
me: i just did the unthinkable
and wikipedia'd "placenta" at work
John: i did too!
me: omg
so the umbilical cord
plugs into the placenta?
which is like nature's electrical outlet?
John: yeah
the placenta is the intermediate between the mother's body and the baby, via the umbilical cord
it's sort of a filter
me: its a magic blanket?
John: it's also, as i would have imagined, tough and fibrous
at least with the macaque monkey
me: like a steak?
John: idk. maybe like horse meat
me: never had it
guess what your new nickname is
John: macaque monkey?
me: close
placental expulsion
John: no
that's emily
you know it fits her better
me: i dont care whom it is
as long as someone gets it
John: emily
me: done
17 August 2011
gchatz w/ john
John: this is FRESH air.
me: terry gross's voice is something else
John: yep
me: are you interested to see what she looks like?
i just looked the other day
John: sure
me: its exactly what you'd expect
maybe you should guess
John: for some reason i assume blonde or light colored hair, perhaps gray from age
not sure why
glasses
thin
boney face
me: well, you must be a carpenter
John: because i nailed it!?
me: because you nailed it.
me: terry gross's voice is something else
John: yep
me: are you interested to see what she looks like?
i just looked the other day
John: sure
me: its exactly what you'd expect
maybe you should guess
John: for some reason i assume blonde or light colored hair, perhaps gray from age
not sure why
glasses
thin
boney face
me: well, you must be a carpenter
John: because i nailed it!?
me: because you nailed it.
16 August 2011
gchatz w/ john
i am shuddering in disgust at how truly awful this video is. of course, it was produced by some idiots down at the university of alabama.
John: everyone in the comments is all, it's racist for white people to do rap parodies.
i was like, UGH
gawker readers. lay off it for once!
pick your battles
me: it is a little racist of them to put on backwards caps while rapping, though
John: it's a little racist to rap on UA's campus
i mean, i figured that was outlawed
#dighimup #amiright
12 July 2011
11 July 2011
irl hunger games
Starla has joined
Joel has joined
me: joel, what have you done with my belongings?
Joel: i gave book 2 (catching fire) to starla
i gave book 3 (mockingjay) to rosanna
i know rosanna has mockingjay because im looking right at it
me: staaarrrrlaaaaa??
Starla: YOU ARE WRONG!
i am reading mockingjay now
that is what you gave me
kylie gave me hunger games
and my co-worker margaux gave me catching fire
i am also looking at mockingjay
so i dont know how you ended up with 2
Joel: well that is surprising
me: where is my second book
Joel: margaux has it
i dont know how i could have given your mockingjay to two different people
me: starla, would you verify with margaux that joel is a liar and she gave you mockingjay, and not catching katniss
Starla: joel is lying bc i have only borrowed one book from him
and i am looking at it
Joel: is it blue?
Starla: yes
hardback
with a bird on the front
and finnick just **SPOILER*
me: well if you two ever work out who has my possessions, let me know
Starla: i have your hunger games
me: thats the only one you're responsible for
i lent the other two to joel vincent melton
Joel: i know where your mockingjay is
rosanna has it
i gave catching fire to charlotte
Starla: that is not correct
i dont have any $$$ and i am willing to bet you a lot that i am right
Joel: ill need margaux's contact information please
i plan on giving her a call
i dont want your money
youre going to need it to move into my apartment
that is where i keep all of my books
me: and none of my books
Joel: but youre not going to be allowed to check them out of the house
me: and if joel doesnt get my HG 2 and 3 back....he's going to lose library priveleges as well
Starla: i just dont believe joel is looking at the book
PROVE IT
9 minutes pass, photo is recieved of rosanna holding mockingjay
me: charlotte now you send a picture of margaux affirming that your catching fire belongs to her
Joel: i have something horrible to admit
me: uh oh
Joel: when i had to explain to rosanna why i was taking a picture of her holding mockingjay, she told me that she had bought that copy herself
and i lent her catching fire (kylie's)
me: omg, you didn't even ask her!
Joel: and now it is at my house
Starla: I WANT AN APOLOGY!
me: you are owed one
Joel: sorry!
me: you can do better than that
Joel: i mean it too
SORRY!!
Starla: and tell me that i can borrow books when i move in
Joel: you can borrow everything
whats mine is yours
i would trust you with my life
and everything i own
and everything that is kylie's
Starla: ok good
you keep that in mind when you find me rummaging through your things
THE END
Joel has joined
me: joel, what have you done with my belongings?
Joel: i gave book 2 (catching fire) to starla
i gave book 3 (mockingjay) to rosanna
i know rosanna has mockingjay because im looking right at it
me: staaarrrrlaaaaa??
Starla: YOU ARE WRONG!
i am reading mockingjay now
that is what you gave me
kylie gave me hunger games
and my co-worker margaux gave me catching fire
i am also looking at mockingjay
so i dont know how you ended up with 2
Joel: well that is surprising
me: where is my second book
Joel: margaux has it
i dont know how i could have given your mockingjay to two different people
me: starla, would you verify with margaux that joel is a liar and she gave you mockingjay, and not catching katniss
Starla: joel is lying bc i have only borrowed one book from him
and i am looking at it
Joel: is it blue?
Starla: yes
hardback
with a bird on the front
and finnick just **SPOILER*
me: well if you two ever work out who has my possessions, let me know
Starla: i have your hunger games
me: thats the only one you're responsible for
i lent the other two to joel vincent melton
Joel: i know where your mockingjay is
rosanna has it
i gave catching fire to charlotte
Starla: that is not correct
i dont have any $$$ and i am willing to bet you a lot that i am right
Joel: ill need margaux's contact information please
i plan on giving her a call
i dont want your money
youre going to need it to move into my apartment
that is where i keep all of my books
me: and none of my books
Joel: but youre not going to be allowed to check them out of the house
me: and if joel doesnt get my HG 2 and 3 back....he's going to lose library priveleges as well
Starla: i just dont believe joel is looking at the book
PROVE IT
9 minutes pass, photo is recieved of rosanna holding mockingjay
me: charlotte now you send a picture of margaux affirming that your catching fire belongs to her
Joel: i have something horrible to admit
me: uh oh
Joel: when i had to explain to rosanna why i was taking a picture of her holding mockingjay, she told me that she had bought that copy herself
and i lent her catching fire (kylie's)
me: omg, you didn't even ask her!
Joel: and now it is at my house
Starla: I WANT AN APOLOGY!
me: you are owed one
Joel: sorry!
me: you can do better than that
Joel: i mean it too
SORRY!!
Starla: and tell me that i can borrow books when i move in
Joel: you can borrow everything
whats mine is yours
i would trust you with my life
and everything i own
and everything that is kylie's
Starla: ok good
you keep that in mind when you find me rummaging through your things
THE END
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