a subway NIGHTMARE in DC

featuring: darkness, underground spaces, hot breath, pee smells, vomit, screaming, police, firemen, possibility of death, standing for long time

DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE SUBWAY HOME. click here.

justin bieber threw up on stage (in arizona)

via

taylor swift ))<>(( tim tebow

are pooping back and forth forever.

A romance may be brewing between Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow and country songstress Taylor Swift. Page Six reported that Tebow was the toast of a pre-Oscars bash on Friday night, where he spent some time chatting up Swift. The pair then had dinner Monday night at Toscanova Italian restaurant in Century City. (via)

i haven't felt this way since i heard JFK's speech on the separation of church and state.

blog sneak attack

Joel: and ive never stripped a bar
i have thrown up on a bar and tripped on the door on the way out
i didnt spill my drink but my hat fell off

wall of complimentz

starla: i can't stop thinking about that squid salad from the blog and it is making me vom in my mouth
thanks a lot

this is why i will never eat an octopus salad (again).

i can't set this video up any better than gawker's maureen o'connor did, so i'll just quote her directly:

Warning: The above video is a graphic squid snuff film. It made me scream out loud.

 A video of a squid coming back to life in a bowl of food recently went viral. (Below.) Apparently the salt in soy sauce can activate a freshly killed squid's nerves and muscles, thereby making them "dance" and "occupy my nightmares forever." (via)

gchatz w/ starla

me: well
tell me what happened
starla: well i am a little fuzzy on how we met
but i found a random drunk girl on the subway
i thought she went to uga

so i wanted to help her

me: ctm
starla: took her back to my apartment
well
she didnt make it back
bc she vommed all over herself
me: oh no
outside or inside?
starla: outside on the sidewalk
me: thats good
starla: in front of my building
so my neighbors called the police
me: omg
did the police come?
starla: yes, then an ambulance
she was dead weight, couldnt walk or talk
i looked super creeps, like a kidnapper
me: lol
starla: bc i didnt know her name
but i didnt want to leave her in the subway
if i was thinking straight, i would have taken her upstairs at houston, rummaged through her phone and called a friend
but in my head since i thought she went to uga
i was like "i'll let this girl sleep on my couch"
DRUNK
so i couldnt get her off the subway at my stop
and so we went down to south ferry where a guy had to help me carry her
a HOT MESS
me: wow
thats an incredible story
starla: yep
the cops were real confused as how i came to have this girl in my possession
my neighbors were like "quit talking"
i guess my story was changing
they were disgusted
bc this chick was throwing up mexican food
lol
me: hahahaha

what it's like.

i was just remembering how i dry heaved on the E train this morning, and decided to lazily draft up a message to the MTA. joel wanted me to show it to you:

subject: i'm a human being

question: i take the E every morning (around 7am) from court sq to 42nd street, and i find that there is an unusually high frequency of remnants from overnight homeless passengers. this morning, i literally became nauseous from the sights and smells that greeted me. i guess i just want the MTA to freshen up the trains before the morning rush hour begins, and/or put more effort into preventing passengers from using the restroom in them. the E train is especially bad. just a heads up. thanks!

i sent it. i'll let you know.

UPDATE! response!

Response (Fernando Polanco) - 04/28/2011 02:55 PM

This is in response to your recent e-mail to MTA New York City Transit reporting poor conditions in our subway system.

We regret if you experienced difficulty due to the conditions you reported. Please be assured that customer safety and comfort are New York City Transit’s highest priorities. All subway cars are regularly swept and mopped when trains reach their home terminal points, and more extensive cleaning tasks are performed when trains are returned to the storage yard. There are also signs posted in the subway reminding customers not to litter. Station personnel will continue to regularly inspect our subway cars and take corrective action as necessary to ensure proper conditions. In response to your e-mail, we have referred your comments to our Department of Subways for their review and further appropriate action.

In addition, please note that the MTA New York City Transit is aware of homeless individuals in the subway system and is continuing to work with the Transit Bureau of the New York City Police Department to address this problem. Officers from the Transit Bureau patrol the system at all times, and New York City Transit has an aggressive program to reduce homelessness and panhandling and a public awareness campaign intended to discourage our customers from contributing to panhandlers. In addition, the MTA sponsors a social outreach group called MTA/Connections Outreach that works with homeless people in the subway, identify their problems and directing them to services providing food, shelter and treatment. The New York City Police Department’s Transit Bureau Homeless Outreach Unit and MTA Connections Outreach will be made aware of your concerns and appropriate action will be taken as warranted. If you would like further information regarding this homeless condition or MTA’s Outreach program, please call Cynthia Wilson, Program Manager, MTA Homeless Outreach at 212-878-1076. Please be assured we will continue our efforts to reduce homelessness in the subway and to ensure a proper environment for our customers.

If you have further station-related questions or concerns, we ask that you contact us at (718) 330-1234, from 6:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m., seven days a week, regarding this type of issue.

We take the concerns of our customers very seriously and thank you for having taken the time to bring this matter to our attention.

Fernando Polanco
Staff Analyst l

well, that was fast! little do they know, i also take the G, whose terminal station is also court square, and i see them routinely NOT mopping that train. just standing around with mops and making me wait while they chit chat for 10 minutes. but that's ok, because the G(reat) train is adorable and never smelly or dirty and hardly needs cleaning at all! do you know why they call it the G train? because you GET to take it!

hey starla baby-tummy...

...you want to get shrimp and spinach quesadillas tonight? nah, you'll probably just vom them up a few hours later.

hey ladies...

...are you plagued with guilt over all the needless waste you create because of your 'woman's problems', 'the curse', 'nature's abortion', your 'monthy visitor', your 'aunt flo'. well guilt-be-gone! NaturallyHip of etsy has an answer for you! cLoTh PaNtY LiNeRs!!! and 'wet bags' to store your used liners! yeah, that's right, just carry that shit around in your purse all day until you're ready to go home, wash, and reuse, again, and again, and again. doesn't that sound like fun? it'll be just like little house on the prairie!

fyi, NaturallyHip is no longer accepting custom orders. sorry all you wide set b's!

happy BEARthday vomas!!!!

remember?

26 bears old?!!?!?

what is jazzy doing?

jazzy threw up.