"i don't want children in my food anymore than i want them in my home."

gurl.

watch more here.

chunk got himself a netflix documentary series

Chunk

A photo posted by Chelsea Handler (@chelseahandler) on Dec 30, 2015 at 4:47pm PST

i barely paid attention to the superb owl, but this commercial made me LOL and clap my hands.

gwyneth paltrow girls night

#girlsnight @nicolerichie @chelseahandler @StellaMcCartney @gwenstefani #naomiwatts #samtaylorwood pic.twitter.com/bVhn4VrDrg

— Gwyneth Paltrow (@GwynethPaltrow) April 18, 2014

well, it's not chelsea.

here is your late show david letterman successor. he's a pretty cool white dude, but still a white dude.

chelsea handler quit her show hours before david letterman retired

something fishy is going on
chelsea quits
letterman retires

i like julie klausner's idea

Straight talk: give it to Chelsea Handler, then give me sloppy seconds on her E! show. I'm NOT inheriting Ross, though.
— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) April 3, 2014

i love it when chelsea handler gets mean

via

martha, call me

hanging out with martha steward sounds like a real blast: (via)


"They always think I’m drunk because I’m always tweeting in the dark, so it makes me do misspellings," said Stewart, who was sipping ... something that did not look like water. "But that’s stupid. I don’t get drunk. Please." Nor does she eat unappetizing food, like the fish she was served. "If I get hungry, I’ll just go upstairs and order a bowl of noodles from Masa," she explained, laughing. "Maybe I should call them and order. 'Hey, Masa, I’m downstairs at an event. Can you bring me some noodles?' They would love it!" 


Twitter isn't the only new-age social network Stewart has tried. "My niece is dating a guy who’s writing the definitive history of online dating. So I tried filling out the Match.com form. I couldn’t get past the first page!" she said. "The questions are so ridiculous, and they ask you to define yourself. It’s just ridiculous." (Besides, even if she could get a profile together, says Stewart, "I'd be murdered on the first date!") She has offline admirers, though, including Harvey Weinstein, who, upon seeing Stewart tweeting a photo of Raphael Saadiq's performance, told her, "You’re cool, just cool. I want to go to a rock concert with you.” What show? "Whatever she wants. Springsteen." She countered. "I’d rather go to a rap concert than a rock concert. If Eminem ever comes back, I want to go see Eminem." Perhaps they weren't a match. 


Stewart left early — maybe for those noodles — but not before making fun of Chelsea Handler's dress sotto voce. "Is that a toga? That is a very high slit. In a very odd place," said Stewart, nodding at the distinct lack of fabric near Handler's posterior. She tried to take a picture of it so she could tweet. The phones, alas, weren't cooperating.

chelsea handler vs joan rivers

via

maybe its a generational thing, but i dont think joan comes off very well at all in this exchange. neither of these women are very classy, but joan should be a little more dignified. legend and all.

your daily ri ri

want to watch two of 2Pz most faves talk to each other?


thought so.

don't stand up at a chelsea show.

ctm.

chunk, i need you.

via @chelseahandler

the VMAs.

they happened! overall, they were kind of lame (unless you like awkward product placement!). the audience was too dumb to appreciate chelsea handler's antics. and unfortunately, her frequent inability to get through scripted teleprompter-delivered jokes didn't come off as cute as it does on her show. her lady gaga costume made me lol4realz, though.

i loved the skits she did with celebs like lindsay lohan and justin bieber.

omg and ke$ha!

anyway, i'll just show you some of my favorite things that happened.

LIKES:

usher's performance. LaZeRz!! his pants looked bad, but his set was 11 biscuits. for some reason, mtv won't give me the embed code, so click this.

florence + the machine's performance. i'm pretty sure no one in that room knew who she was, but hopefully they recognized that song from the eat, pray, love trailer or something. congrats to florence for 1) not lip-syncing (like eminem), and 2) getting some recognition about two years after she released her album. great job, mtv.

ROBYN! even though she only got about 30 seconds on the way to commerical, she totes killed it.

bieber.

kanye west debuted his new song 'runaway', and it was the best performance of the night, hands down. the lyrical content is a little strange, but that beat was sick! and you just witnessed the first time i've ever used 'sick' to describe anything. so. officially excited about his upcoming album.

DISLIKES:

lady gaga winning every award. she's so annoying, and i'm done caring about her. jicyww.

taylor swift's absolutely laughable performance of the song she wrote about kanye cutting her off at last year's VMAs. all i wanted was for him to do it again. just shut up, taylor swift.

ugh. that's enough, linkin park.

so, i c and p'd pretty much the whole show for you. and i had to listen to that toshiba laptop commercial about twelve times to do so. so, why don't you share some of your likes and dislikes. and really make it worth my while.

hooray!

guess whom is hosting this year's VMAs!??!!? i wasn't gonna give a shit, but now i will.

thx lilly!

will you please just look at him?!?!

i installed twitter on my new phone for the sole purpose of following chunk handler. joel was sharing some of his tweets with me while i was in tennessee, and i just couldn't wait to check him out. he might be my favorite dog that ever lived. chelsea tweeted this pic a little while ago.

omg WANT!

(twitter is also telling me that snooki just touched down in nashville for the CMT awards. so.)

i love him.

chelsea's dog, chunk.

“I don’t trust people who don’t drink,” she says in her signature deadpan as she heads onstage. “Please be wasted by the time I return.” (via)

love her, too. thx lilly!

this was awesome.

in case you haven't been watch kell on earth, do.


chelsea lately, bein' awesome as always.