19 April 2011

a story from my real life

preface:
i work in an 2-floor office of about 40 people. on the second floor, there are a total of three women, myself included. we share one two-stall bathroom, so the bathroom is uninhabited about 90% of the day, if not more. on a related note, my company just spent a significant amount of time and money to install solar panels on our roof, which provide more than enough energy needed to power our office, and we sell the extra back to the local utilities board.

i've been working here for over a year now, and i noticed when i started that the bathroom light was always left on. given the solar panels, my big-city-liberal sensibilities, and innate common sense, i make an effort to turn the light off when i leave the bathroom. it's never caught on, but i still do it.


this afternoon, i was leaving the bathroom when i found the note pictured above next to the light switch. first thing i did was check out the desk of my work nemesis, who i like to call "rupal's drag race". she is a bossy terror, but ultimately lacks grace with her attempts at anonymity. hot pink post-its everywhere.

i'm beside myself about this whole situation, which i find to be complete and utter nonsense. my need to defy her request has monopolized my thoughts for the last hour, and i'm just unsure how to gauge the value of revenge / winning versus the risks involved with workplace passive-aggressiveness.

at any rate, john and i have brainstormed some pretty epic responses, which i'm sure everyone can enjoy:

john: next time you see her go in
wait till she's got her panties around her ankles, and then turn off the light


me: should i leave a hot pink post-it on her computer
"please turn your mouth off when you're done ruining the environment. thank you."


john: take her note, and wipe your ass with it, and leave THAT on her desk
that'll teach her
me: thats the best idea yet


me: i thought about putting her note in the toilet and forgetting to flush
so she could find it

john: scrawl BITCH on the note
me: in menstrual blood
and i'll put in parentheses "that's from my uterus"

john: i say, turn off the light, and wipe turd on the light switch. then just sit back and wait for her to get your poo on her hands
me: its officially giggles o clock

john: no, write, "go back to where you came from!"
it's time you resort to plain ol' fashioned racism


what do YOU guys think i should do?!

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

kill her with kindness.

WooooOOOOOOooooooT!!!

Melissa said...

OYR anonydouche.

Melissa said...

option 1:request a motion activated light switch. since clearly pink sticky is too lazy to flip the switch.
option 2: turn the light of and hide...then when she comes in scare the s out her followed by the phrase "O'Doyles rules"

Erin said...

you for sure need to leave the water running from now on, think about how time you'll save if you dont have to turn the water on and off.

sara_jane said...

I second jeff and erin. i think that in a not-so-subtle vol orange sticky note you place the exact same note on the sink "Please leave water on during working hours Thank you."

thomas wilhelm said...

you also need to put BITCH! at the end of that note. just to make sure everything is clear.

jan said...

On office stationary type an official looking notice saying "In an effort to conserve energy, please turn off the lights when not in use, make sure the water faucets are completely shut off, and refrain from using company office supplies to communicate your own personal neurosis."

Melissa said...

zzzZZZiiinnng!

 
Pin It