29 March 2011

more gchatz w/ john

kylie: i hate when contruction industry professionals start emails with "gentlemen,"
john: why?
kylie: it just makes me feel unwelcome
like the muslims next door
john: i also think it comes off as condescending. like, i'm saying gentlemen, because i really want to say assholes
it's very stilted
i feel like people only say that when they're angry and want to remain civil
kylie: "gentlemen," reads to me as "arent you guys glad there aren't any stupid sluts on this email for once?"
john: ctm
i've never seen it that way before.
kylie: like "its ok, its just us"
john: just penises!
kylie: "does anyone want to make jokes about asian women?"
john: i think me being a big ol' gay quashes a lot of their boys club fun.
there have been a few nasty jokes
kylie: have there?
john: and i always let them know how thoroughly unimpressed i am
we built a shelf into a shower that's in one of the private office bathrooms
and a person on the construction management team said it's where the police chief would lean while he gets his blow jobs
and i was like, gross.
kylie: good!
then you were like "unless its from a boy!"
john: ctm!
i wish
kylie: you put one finger up in the air in a point-of-information way
"unless its from a boy!"
and then smiled, so satisfied with yourself
john: and just let everyone stare at me in horror
kylie: totally

gchatz w/ john

john: so i fell into my desk and chair today after coming back from lunch.
kylie: go on
john: i accidentally sat on the arm of my chair and it rolled into my desk with me teetering perilously on the edge. i had to slam my hand down on the desk to stop myself from rolling, and then i fell into the chair with one leg still hung over the arm of the chair.
legs spread, crotch in the air.
kylie: aaaaaaaaahahahaha
john: kLa$sY!!!!
also, i have been almost completely unable to spell today
i think i have a brain tumor or something
falling down, can't spell. it's either a tumor or i'm drunk.
and i just can't tell.

a step in the right direction

Under the new rules — which take effect immediately — building owners must inspect and treat apartments next to, above and below any unit that has bedbugs. They also must notify all tenants when bedbugs have been detected and distribute a plan on eradicating them. (via)
that law will be just perfect if they add one more thing: mandatory roscoe visits.

jimmy and martha makin' ice cream cake

that's television gold.


president obama talked to us about libya last night.


you have probably already heard that this weekend, an egyptian cobra escaped from its cage at the bronx zoo. it is still missing. they think he's probably just hiding under his house somewhere and will come out when he's hungry (for people), but in the meantime, check out this probably-real twitter.

some egyptian cobra factz:
it is the same snake cleopatra is rumored to have used to commit suicide.
it can kill an elephant in 3 hours, and a person in 15 minutes.
it could take weeks to find!


thx4nothing, starla.

dear starla,

why didn't you tell me about this song from a year ago featuring ke$ha? how many times do i have to remind you that you are in charge of telling me what the kids are listening to? you know how much i love k$. people are going to start calling me last2know-kaiser. all thanks to your lack of diligence.

consider this your final warning.

love you!
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