patrick halley's car.

thx joey.

ctm.

Raaaaaaaandy Declares War on Justin Bieber from Aziz Ansari

i don't want to like this...

...and i don't. but i know some of you will.

keekerz speakerz

toro y moi - talamak

the album is great. i highly recommend. this guy's a south carolina gamecock, jicyww.

best news of my life.

In a move that could bring an end to the $40 cup of coffee, Bank of America said on Tuesday that it was doing away with overdraft fees on purchases made with debit cards, a decision that could cost the bank tens of millions a year in revenue and put pressure on other banks to do the same.

Bank officials said that effective this summer, customers who try to make purchases with their debit cards without enough money in their checking accounts will simply be declined. Debit purchases account for roughly 60 percent of overdrafts at Bank of America, the nation’s largest issuer of debit cards. (via)

HAPPY BEARTHDAY TO 2PZ!!!!!!!!!

that's right! your favorite blog on all of the internet, 2PzNaPpod is...

ONE BEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i know! i can't believe it either. we want to thank all of you, our loyal followers. you've all made this a real treat for us. we're celebrating today by posting classic 2Pz posts from the past year. so buckle up and enjoy this trip down memz lane!

UGH. GO AWAY!

lindsay blohan is suing e-trade for 100 million doll hairs because, as she alleges, they besmirched her already toxic name in this super bowl ad (she thinks she's the milk-aholic lindsay):



yeah, lindsay, this is the incident that has destroyed your good reputation. not the fact that you couldn't keep yours shit together enough to film all those (likely terrible) movies back in 2007, or that you got like a million DUI's, or that you flashed your vag to the whole f-ing world at least two or three times, or that 'disatrous' emanuel ungaro collection you advised. No, this is what did it.

what's most annoying is that lindsay lohan thinks she ever reached the plateau of one-name-celebrity, and that she's still relevant enough to be the punchline of a super bowl add.

[via]

an open letter to ciara

Hi Ciara,

Let me start with saying that you had me at "My goodies, my goodies, my goodies, not MY goodies." So, you can imagine my disappointment when I heard your new snoozefest of a song. You clearly thought all you needed to do was get Justin in the room and the rest would take care of itself. Well, listen, even JT makes mistakes sometimes.

Anyway, I just want you to know that if you wanted Beyonce's fringe glasses so badly, you could've just asked her. I'm sure she wouldn't have minded. And that pole you're dancing on...it doesnt even have a light inside. Trust me, I know what it feels like to wish you were Beyonce. We all do. Most of us just try to be a little less conspicuous about it.

Sincerely,
Team Beyonce

that's not nancy!!!

let's go, let's go!

why i love beyonce

the other day, i casually mentioned to a friend that i was a mere click away from purchasing solange knowles' most recent album from itunes (i didnt, but it did get some positive reviews so shut up).

this lead to a discussion of the knowles family in general, and its shining star, BEYONCE.

my friend said he liked her music alright, but just couldnt understand

 her as a pop diva. she was simply too boring, uninteresting... just a pretty girl from houston who made it big.

i told him i would need to really think about it before i responded, then she was in my dreams last night... so here goes.

PART ONE: THE MUSIC

lets not forget that first and foremost, beyonce has left an undeniable and indelible mark on music history and our pop culture psyche. destiny's child was amazing. every kid in middle school had that album, the writings on the wall. beyonce was so good in destiny's child no one even cared when they lost a member and switched another out. as long as the girl in the 

middle stays the same. (refer to bills bills bills, say my name, bootylicious, lose my breath)

no one was surprised when beyonce grew up into a solo artist. dangerously in love was good

 and you couldnt avoid crazy in love the best single from that album. it announced that beyonce wasnt going anywhere. i remember going to borders on tuesday to check out b'day, her second album. i wasnt going to buy it unless it was good. i previewed the first 15 seconds of the first three tracks and was already sold. that album cemented my feelings for beyonce. hit after hit. not to mention a video for every song. she likes to say that the songs are inspired by her character from dreamgirls, but i prefer to think she wrote these songs about rihanna and jayz (refer to upgrade u, get me bodied, freakum dress)

in the newest album, beyonce continues to surprise us and has proved what we knew all along, that she is also a video artist. (refer to fringe glasses, black leotards, soft lighting)

all im trying to say is, the music is consistent and excellent.

PART TWO: THE PERSON

for one, she is mononymous. thats quite an accomplisment in and of itself. one thing i hear a l

ot from the beyonce nay sayers is that in interviews she seems boring or stupid or vapid or all of the above. ive seen those interviews, and i understand how one could make such an assessment, but i dont think it tells the whole story. beyonce can be dull in an interview because she is two people trapped in one body. she has managed to separate her high flying onstage antics from her day to day persona. madonna, britney, mariah, cher... all these people dress up in lavish costumes and put on huge shows, but they dont slip into a whole different character. britney is a

 little bit slutty and a lot trashy, and thats onstage and off. madonna is kind of an uptight bitch, and that is onstage and off. beyonce is sweet and demure offstage, and a crazy larger than life phenom during a performance. beyonce said it best herself, "i have someone else that takes over when its time for me to work and when im on stage, this alter ego ive created that kind of protect me and who i really am." "sasha fierce" couldnt exist in real life. she couldnt get caught at starbucks or walking around in sweats. "sasha fierce" exists mainly in my imagination, and she is able to fly and cry on demand and gets hugs from angels. i dont care if beyonce wants to protect part of her personal life as long as she gives me all of sasha fierce. 

PART THREE: THE MESSAGE

its ok to be crazy. embrace your inner crazy. even if you're mostly normal, just a pretty girl from nowhere, your most bizarre eccentricities are what make you unique and those are the parts that should be on display. unless its ugly. keep it neat ya'll.

if you still have any questions, just go see her in concert. she is worth every penny. MEOW.

i forgot to tell you about one other present i got

my grandfather gave me a winchester 20 gauge semi-automatic shotgun. it is from his collection, to be passed down through the generations. he gave one to each of his grandsons... including isaac who has special needs. i guess the girls are going to get mixing bowls from grandma at a later date, or something.

the great chicken watch of 2k10: "one intrepid rider"

hopefully you've all been following 2Pz chicken story, which has gone viral all over the internet's face. just wanted to post a quick round-up blog of blogs covering our blog's blog story (meta).

gothamist picked up the story first, and emailed me for further comments. i am quoted. quoting starla.

then new york magazine picked it up, and it is now the #3 most commented story of the past 24 hours.

joel and sara emailed the story to one of our favorite celebrity blogs, dlisted, who linked to us directly, and sent several colorful emails with phrases like "i love this shit!" and "are you friends with joel? that ho already sent me this." love you, michael k!!

and later last night, the NEW YORK POST! ran it on their website, and i hope to see it in their printed paper today (i have to get one). they talk about me! ...but think i'm a boy. ;( it is the #1 most emailed story right now.

so that's all the coverage for now. i hope you're all proud! we couldn't have done it without your support, obvi. well, we probably could have, but there would be no one to share this momentous occasion with.

2Pz next goal in chicken-gate: make the nymag aproval matrix. highbrow. brilliant. fingers crossed!

halloween time!

i finally got around to carving the pumpkins mom and i picked up last week.

I carved and carved, then set up this beautiful fall still life on the dining room table. kismet had to be bribed with peanut butter to agree to participate.

more or less attractive than kismet?

well done, charlie

famous kitty kayut.

i'm peanut butter and you are jelly.

11 biscuits!!!! (via)

like a charm.

jicyww, operation funnel trap was a great success. here are some gross photos for you. i had to improvise a bit with the recipe, and ended up using a mix of orange juice and balsamic vinegar.

well, those fruit flies just went CRAZY for it! here you can see my first takers, within 5 minutes of construction completion!

after about 20 minutes, i had captured nearly 15 flies! it was super gross, but i also couldn't resist checking the trayup every hour or so. at this point, i'd say i've caught around 30-40 flies. so satisfying!!

what is jazzy doing?

waiting on the table for my dad to get home.

princeton review results

well, the results are in. i'll sum up the important points for you:

top party schools:
1. penn state
2. florida
3. ole miss
4. georgia
6. west virginia
7. ut-austin
16. tennessee (go vols!)
17. sewanee (really?)
19. tulane
20. arizona state

other tennessee honors:#12 Least Beautiful Campus
#14 Jock Schools
#16 Lots of Hard Liquor
#20 Major Frat and Sorority Scene
#16 Party Schools

other notable honors for other notable schools:

bard college
#1 Birkenstock-Wearing, Tree-Hugging, Clove-Smoking Vegetarians

university of georgia
#10 Students Study the Least

university of auburn
#19 Alternative Lifestyles Not an Alternative

tales from the south : knoxville!

this post has been a long time coming, and since you've all been so patient, i'm going to reward you with an extra-long post of my sights and anecdotes from my journey to this east tennessee oasis.

i used to just love this part of the drive to and from knoxville. the middle tennessee countryside between the boro and smithville.

aka patrick halley.

here we are! and there she is!

orange house! where bun-bun, vomas, et al lived!

first i went to market square...and to my surprise, there was a real-life market in it!

swine flu buffet, am i right?

omg tOmAtOhEaD!!

met up with some lovely lunch-mates: brother beeun, katie, phil, beeun metz, vomas, meg, and MaRkIe!!!!

what's for lunch? the ol' standby:

tuscan chicken on wheat with blue corn chips and a pickle. we had a hummus appertizzer.

jelly?

this was the worst band on the planet, roughly. i hollered at them to play rocky top and all i got was the melody played meekly on the clarinet. everyone else just stood there. we clapped for a while, but eventually lost our spirit.

look at the ugly new neyland stadium! sean said it looked like they shoved a multi-plex into the side of it. and i agree. but go vols. you know.

remember this place? it's the architecture building. so many emotions....

i lol'd when i saw this. its a diving board. and it's 4.5 stories up. good one.

good idea.

the a+a cafe got sold out! it's an einstein's bagels!

i don't want to think about how much DC i woulda drank if this was in place when i was there...

i'm a little jelly of that.

new rock location. ;(

old better rock location. =*(

after a brief campus adventure, we had the pleasure of seeing sara and sean sharp!

pizza and beers at barley's. mmmmm.

all in all, it was a delightful trip. it was great to see everyone, and i'm sad i couldn't stay. i heard shit got crazy later at sassy anne's!

ONE BEER AND ONE TENDER!!

what is kismet doing?

   reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee4

kismet typed that... no, really.

in this meta-post kismet is reading and writing his own blog. you saw his intelligence test... he can do it.

paperwhite watch : week 1

Last week, my lovely roommate Gabe brought home some paperwhite bulbs for us to nurture and enjoy. Of the four, one has sprouted, while the others have shown very few signs of development.

I'll keep you posted.

you should get the chair for it : whistling

if you partake in the passive habit of whisteling as you work, or walk, make coffee, etcetera, you should get the chair. and by "the chair" i mean the death penalty. jicywc. you've got a song in your head. okay. great. shut up about it.

;(

swans want to kill you

I know, you probably haven't thought about swans recently. Why would you?! But one thing is sure, you will run into them again in your life--most likely at a park that has some kind of lake or water in it.

Some things you might not know about swans: a male is known as a cob, and a female is called a pen, and the young are called cygnets. But that's where the cool things about swans end.

Other information about swans reveals that they are totally messed up. Like how most swans swim with just one leg, with the other leg tucked up under them. Thats just asymmetrical! The really bad thing about swans is how they pretend to be all cool and stuff but are really total freakshows.

Some firsthand facts: a cool friend's mother was chased by a swan in a park in Hamburg. I know, you think this couldn't happen to you, but it can and it will. My friend's mother's mistake? Trying to feed the mallard behind the swan. That angry, possessive, irrationally aggressive swan chased that nice 40 year old woman trying to eat her ham sandwich.

Bottom line: don't trust 'em.

this is what it feels like...

...trying to get a job in this economy.

just like those kitties, however, i will never give up.

New Moon

i.love.twilight.and.all.things.about.twilight. Many a blog posts will be dedicated to my love of the series. If you haven't read the books, you better run down to your neighborhood book store. They can be found in the "young adult" section. Don't judge.

Anywho, below is a pic of Rob in Canada. This means that New Moon (the sequel) is in production. BOOM!

brb outside : r-pattz FAIL

well, i'm sorry to report that after our best efforts, we have returned home from the remember me shoot with no sightings of robert pattinson. we looked everywhere, but we just couldn't find him. but we took lots of pics anyway, and it wasn't a total bust, as you'll see...

here are a few twiloonies, taking pixies.

they were shooting a car scene, and we couldn't see into the car or who was in there.

we checked any possible place he could be hiding...

we had all but given up when james bond got out of the car!

joel hangin' out with the paps, snappin' some professional photos.

pierce and his co-star ruby jerins, who plays one of the daughters in nurse jackie.

and we weren't the only ones taking pictures! thomas crown walked over the the promenade edge to get a new background for his iphone probs.

a gaggle of twitards for your viewing pleasure. they had fake twilight-themed tattoos...ctm.

word on the twitter streets is that rob is in fact there and he just won't come out of his trailer. but whatevs. we don't have all day to wait for him, not like these twilosers.

hope you enjoyed our outing. despite the disappiontment, it was a beautiful day in b-heights, and a delight to be outside.

the end.

what is jazzy doing?

having a sleep.