there's a 50/50 chance your dog is a fatty

I'm sorry, maybe there's something wrong with me, but I don't see anything wrong with this dog.  I just don't.  But the Times does.

ryan o'connell - thought catalog

carlygoogles turned me on to ryan o'connell on thought catalog, and i basically have agreed with everything he has written. case in point, the following article titled "Calling BS On Eating Healthy," or, "Why I Visit Taco Bell At Least Once A Month."


In the past year, my friends have started this sick disturbing trend of eating healthy. Green things that aren’t smokable are showing up to our potlucks with more and more frequency, leaving me awash in a sea of confusion as I carry a box of cupcakes to the table. “OMG, tempting but no thanks. I’ll just devour some more of this amazing kale and beet salad. God, I’m such a Kirstie Alley right now!”

Wait, did I miss the memo? When did we transition from college meals of spaghetti tossed in an Adderall reduction sauce to kale salads, market veggies, and seitan? I mean, I’m all about eating healthy because it makes you happy and skinny and is, like, good for you and stuff. And I’ve definitely noticed lately that our bodies are changing. We can’t just binge eat on pad thai and expect our body to forget about it. It’s gotten to the point where it never forgets. That being said, can we stop pretending that the junk food never happened? Can we stop pretending that the fourth meals, the Sour Patch Kids, and pizza did not exist? I know you’ve entered a new phase in your eating life but, come on. Show some love for the things that are bad for you. Give it a quick kiss.

The delusion is what bothers me. People would like you to believe that eating a bowl of lettuce is comparable to a slice of red velvet cake. “Oh wow, I’m so hungover right now. This lettuce really hit the spot.” No, it didn’t! I want to scream at them (complete with waving my arms wildly in public) about their sordid past. I want to remind them of the food we used to embrace together. Fact: Food that will clog your arteries and kill you tastes the best. It’s one of life’s cruelest jokes and the primary reason why losing weight is so difficult. Saying no to the things that feel good in the moment but ultimately hurt us is a struggle in everyone’s life. Even though I’m happy to see my friends win the battle, I also secretly want to poison their brussel sprouts with some deep fried bread crumbs.

I just want things to be out in the open. I want people to say that eating heathy is sort of a bitch and, yes, I would like a bite of that cupcake. I would like Jennifer Aniston to admit that she has a good body because she’s extremely disciplined, works out constantly and rarely succumbs to any food cravings. Let’s just be real. Keeping fit is hard work so stop pretending that your prohibitive diet is delicious. It makes all of the people who aren’t as fit feel bad about themselves. “Why don’t I love broccoli as much as my friend does? Is something wrong with me?! Should I be craving brown rice right now instead of a burrito?!” Hell no. Eating healthy is all about eating the brown rice while imagining it to be a giant burrito. Don’t let anyone tell you different.

lady gaga had to have some flight attendants help her out of her dangerous yellow and black tape dress and her blue alexander mcqueen (rip) shoes because she was developing a dangerous case of deep vein thrombosis on a flight. thank god she made it out ok.

telephone premiere tonight! yip.

doctor's visit

kisabella went to the doctor today. i wanted to get his nails done and a beard trim, but they wouldnt do it because he hadn't had his last round of shots... so we went for shots.

while we were there, the nurse lady took blood and stool samples (yuck!) and went ahead and trimmed his toes and beard anyway. the results are in.... no heartworms, and no internal parasites! YIP!! bad news.... some significant tartar build up means i have to start brushing his tooths. he is going to h8 it.

did you know that white dogs bleed more than black doggies? thats what the nurse lady said.

what is kismet doing?

probably trying to save our lives so it would seem.

apparently there are some bio-detection dogs that alert their owners to dangerous health episodes.

"The dogs got their owners' attention by barking and whining, licking, nuzzling, jumping on top of them, and/or staring intently at their faces. A small percentage of the dogs reportedly tremble in fear at the time of a hypoglycemic attack"

ZOMG. Kismet did all those things to me. was he trying to tell me something? could he smell death on me? i need to go to the hospital immediately.