chipotle tweeted a masturbation joke?

Eating a burrito left handed is like being fed by a stranger.

— Chipotle (@ChipotleTweets) September 1, 2015

tweet beat

new blog featch get excited.

Spring can really take it out of a spirited hound. pic.twitter.com/80nCaBSCQs

— Paula Pell (@perlapell) May 11, 2015

THIS COFFEE TABLE BOOK IS BROKEN pic.twitter.com/lqe5mMHcyy

— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) May 11, 2015

I see no one spent the winter practicing how to throw a frisbee; everyone instead learning right now today in the middle of a crowded park.

— Caity Weaver (@caityweaver) May 10, 2015

what? another weird embedded tweet

James Franco to star in Hulu's Stephen King series about the Kennedy assassination. http://t.co/2jobd0dBea pic.twitter.com/nGveyLzP0u

— Mashable (@mashable) February 12, 2015

summer is coming

can't believe we left this off the playlist for the 6THAICHC. rest assured we won't be making that mistake again #7THAICHC!

my local congressman makes national news for having a secret daughter

He got caught tweeting a beautiful young woman after the SOTU and people thought he was having some sort of romantic relationship with her. Steve Cohen is not married, so there isn't really anything wrong with that, but whatever. It turns out that the lady in questions wasn't a girlfriend, it was a daughter that had been kept secret from him until three years ago! whoa. To make it even weirder, the girl's mother was previously married to Frank Sinatra Jr. and is a defense lawyer in Texas for international war criminals. huh? I vote for this man.

where there is only 30 minutes of work left and i just want to read my tweets in peace

it's happening.

I never thought I would see another Super Outbreak after 1974.It happened.I never thought I'd see another Perfect Storm.Its happening.
— Jim Cantore (@JimCantore) October 25, 2012

just in time for halloween.

sahara davenport is DEAD

there were a bunch of tweets flying around last night about season 2 RuPaul's Drag Race contestant (and boyfriend of season 3 contestant Manila Luzon) Sahara Davenport (nee Antoine Ashley) passing away. so sad. flim sums it up: "same feeling when lisa left eye lopez died"

the weird thing is that no one is reporting how antoine died.

every gay person i know is tweeting about this new Mykki Blanco music video.

 put on your mariah carey wig and judge for yourself.

what is this owl doing?

getting head-scratched to within an inch of its life.

martha, call me

hanging out with martha steward sounds like a real blast: (via)


"They always think I’m drunk because I’m always tweeting in the dark, so it makes me do misspellings," said Stewart, who was sipping ... something that did not look like water. "But that’s stupid. I don’t get drunk. Please." Nor does she eat unappetizing food, like the fish she was served. "If I get hungry, I’ll just go upstairs and order a bowl of noodles from Masa," she explained, laughing. "Maybe I should call them and order. 'Hey, Masa, I’m downstairs at an event. Can you bring me some noodles?' They would love it!" 


Twitter isn't the only new-age social network Stewart has tried. "My niece is dating a guy who’s writing the definitive history of online dating. So I tried filling out the Match.com form. I couldn’t get past the first page!" she said. "The questions are so ridiculous, and they ask you to define yourself. It’s just ridiculous." (Besides, even if she could get a profile together, says Stewart, "I'd be murdered on the first date!") She has offline admirers, though, including Harvey Weinstein, who, upon seeing Stewart tweeting a photo of Raphael Saadiq's performance, told her, "You’re cool, just cool. I want to go to a rock concert with you.” What show? "Whatever she wants. Springsteen." She countered. "I’d rather go to a rap concert than a rock concert. If Eminem ever comes back, I want to go see Eminem." Perhaps they weren't a match. 


Stewart left early — maybe for those noodles — but not before making fun of Chelsea Handler's dress sotto voce. "Is that a toga? That is a very high slit. In a very odd place," said Stewart, nodding at the distinct lack of fabric near Handler's posterior. She tried to take a picture of it so she could tweet. The phones, alas, weren't cooperating.

garbage : webster hall : may 22

you may not have noticed my tweet yesterday inviting you ask me to go with you to see garbage in concert. who wants to go? info

who the f is bon iver?

Buzz feed has a pretty funny collection of tweets and status updates from after Justin Vernon won best new artist. My favorite are the ones that mention Kanye, because I'm pretty sure he knows...

Then there are the people who didn't quite hear the announcement...