14 September 2011

"the iowa incident"

in the recent NYC VOLumni football email, the event organizer signed off with the following tidbit that piqued my curiosity:

"And a note on the 'Iowa incident' - I've addressed this with the Iowa alumni group and I ask that you not retaliate in any way and bring embarrassment upon UT or yourself. Thanks."

I did some private investigation and got the scoop on what went down during last week's game.
As you well know, the University of Iowa alumni bar is across the street from Traffic, and they suffered an embarrassing and soul crushing loss in overtime to in state rival Iowa State.

A couple of hawkeyes (thats what theyre called) ambled over to the UT bar and after a while they started feeling froggy. From the second story, they cut down the bright orange UT flags that hang from the railing, and then got in a screaming match with some Vols nearby that happened to witness their actions. Luckily there were some Vol fans outside the bar who were there with open arms to catch the flag and keep it from touching the ground. The bartenders and owner of Traffic stepped in and told the Iowa jerks that they needed to leave because their only escape was through a crowded bar full of Volunteers who were now chanting "assholes" at them. As they were being escorted from the premises, one of the future farmers of america pulled a knife and stabbed inflatable smokey in the chest! They were chased across the street and never heard from again.

Reached for comment, Iowa alum David Fulco offered, "America needs farmers."

That may be true, but America does NOT need douchebags! (we've got enough of those in new jersey).

A reliable source has informed me that traffic is going to be poppin' off this weekend for the Florida game, and that despite all warnings, revenge may or may not (but probably not) be served...

Stay tuned.


kylie said...


joel said...

he has a new taped spot on his jersey. sometimes the mascot gets roughed up too.

bun-bun said...

i was also curious. thank you for the detective work.

Melissa said...

omg...i was going to ask that same question. looks like you and smokey will have matching bandages (only yours wont be permanent-----fingers crossed)!

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