where in the world is paula deen?

america's sweetheart paula deen is MISSING. she was supposed to be on the today show this morning to talk about those horrible accusations that she's been perpetuating southern racism by hosting slavery-themed weddings and whatnot, but she never arrived!

the latest news is that she'll be releasing a video statement soon. i hope it goes a little something like this:


it has been a dyoozy of a yayurr.

someone figured out that paula deen and katy perry have the same face.

(via)

hot butter and oil seth

watch kristen wiig's paula deen impression on gawker. you'll laugh, or at least giggle.

oh great, y'all.

paula deen has type 2 diabetes. 

a feud between two of my favorite ladies!

Perez Hilton (via the National Enquirer) says that MObama is beside herself over the fact that Paula Deen called out the Obamas' greasy eating habits in her new book, Paula Deen's Southern Cooking Bible. "She probably ate more than any other guest I ever had on the show!" writes Deen. "She kept eating even dur­ing commercials. Know what (the Obamas') favorite foods are? Hot wings. Y'know — those kinds of foods that aren't necessarily top-of-the-list healthy foods.” (via)

however:

Paula Deen says there’s no beef between her and Michelle Obama. After reports that Deen was in trouble for crowing that the healthy-eating first lady enjoys fried foods, Deen told us, “There’s no truth ... that Mrs. Obama called me to stop talking about her [2008] appearance on my program. We had the best time. I taught her how to make fried shrimp and fries. It was easy to see by her buff arms she follows a healthy lifestyle, but it didn’t stop her from enjoying the food. Everything in moderation!” (via)

meta

there's a new internet meme out there, where paula deen rides internet memes. this is the best one, clearly. and this one's dedicated to jeff mooney.

thx susanne!

OH. YES. I. DO.

paula deen is creepy. via.

a&w root beer glaze.

this guy from don imus's show does a great impression of 2Pz fave paula deen.

why don't you make it and choke on it! thx gabe!

what's for dinner?????

here's a deceptively creepy picture of what was actually a nice, delicious meal prepared and enjoyed by rachel, emily, midge, and i last night. emily roasted a gd chicken. all by herself! and john made these brusselsprouts, in an attempt to convince me to like them. they were good....but i could only eat 2. it takes me about 60 seconds to chew one, so. i made paula deen's crockpot mac-n-cheese, which was just ok. rachel made a blueberry cobbler-y thing, which was delicious even if, as she said, her inability to find apple filling lost some points on the 'all-american' theme. i thought it was as american as blueberry cobbler, myself. and, of course, we polished things off with some tall, cool, bud lights.

someone's going to pay for this!!

Watch CBS News Videos Online

tragedy struck today when someone threw a ham at paula deen's face!!! when i find out who's responsible for this, there will be hell to pay.

While tossing hams and turkeys, a misguided thrown ham hit Deen in the face, but that didn’t sideline her from the topic at hand.

"I think it might have hit maybe just right where, I thought it busted my lip, but it didn't," said Deen.

While Deen managed to escape visible injury, she did say the area around her nose hurt.

"I just got hit with a hog so what do I expect said Deen through laughter. "Ran head on to a hog." (via)

you be careful out there, paula! 

thx dale!

ctm.

oprah: what do you say to your health-conscious critics?
paula: i'm your cook, not your doctor!!!!!