nicki minaj's new perfume bottle

i think this would look so good on thomas wilhelm's cabinet of curiosities.

reminds me of this.

your fortnightly boat

the seastreak ferry (also known as "the most fun you can have on your way to new jersey") forgot how to use its brakes this morning and came careening into pier 11 at wall street, injuring dozens of innocent smell jerseyans.

i've been smashed in the face with some flowers

you boys smell nice

jicyww: what's a yankee smell like?

we previously reported on the new stink emanating from the bronx. here's what it smells like according to the manufacturer:

The New York Yankees™ fragrance epitomizes the winning style of the greatest team in baseball, capturing a sporty and confident attitude.
This fresh, woody scent introduces an invigorating blend of sparkling Bergamot, Coriander and cool Blue Sage. As it evolves, the fragrance reveals a fusion of crisp Ivy Leaves, Orange Flower and Geranium enhanced with rich earthy Patchouli, smooth Sandalwood and Suede to create a timeless, masculine scent.

It was reviewed by the people over at deadspin and the best comment was this:
Chandler Burr, former perfume critic for T: The New York Times Style Magazine and the current curator of olfactory art at the Museum of Art and Design: "This is absolutely the pitch perfect Justin Bieber hit. You get a perfectly constructed pop hit that stays resolutely within the boundaries of comfort and familiarity but has a great hook. The boundaries of comfort and familiarities are the 1980s late 20th century masculine and the hook is a very sweet fun fruit—like a raspberry. It's the Justin Bieber of scents—if you could bottle Justin Bieber this would be it."


way to go yankees. you nailed it.

you know what dave wants but isn't gonna beg for it?

the new york yankees official fragrance.




good thing his birthday is right around the corner!

smell jersey has had it up to here...

...with all this rain.

smell jersey : state of emergency

N.J. Gov. Chris Christie signed a state of emergency declaration on Thursday ahead of the incoming hurricane.

"We have to be prepared," Christie said during a news conference from the State Police Regional Operations Center in Ewing, adding that this is not a "cry wolf" situation.

The declaration allowed him to activate 6,000 members of the National Guard. The governor says Irene would have a "severe" impact on the Garden State.

"We are urging residents not to go to the shore this weekend," Christie said. (via)

erin.... starla....

what it's like.

i was just remembering how i dry heaved on the E train this morning, and decided to lazily draft up a message to the MTA. joel wanted me to show it to you:

subject: i'm a human being

question: i take the E every morning (around 7am) from court sq to 42nd street, and i find that there is an unusually high frequency of remnants from overnight homeless passengers. this morning, i literally became nauseous from the sights and smells that greeted me. i guess i just want the MTA to freshen up the trains before the morning rush hour begins, and/or put more effort into preventing passengers from using the restroom in them. the E train is especially bad. just a heads up. thanks!

i sent it. i'll let you know.

UPDATE! response!

Response (Fernando Polanco) - 04/28/2011 02:55 PM

This is in response to your recent e-mail to MTA New York City Transit reporting poor conditions in our subway system.

We regret if you experienced difficulty due to the conditions you reported. Please be assured that customer safety and comfort are New York City Transit’s highest priorities. All subway cars are regularly swept and mopped when trains reach their home terminal points, and more extensive cleaning tasks are performed when trains are returned to the storage yard. There are also signs posted in the subway reminding customers not to litter. Station personnel will continue to regularly inspect our subway cars and take corrective action as necessary to ensure proper conditions. In response to your e-mail, we have referred your comments to our Department of Subways for their review and further appropriate action.

In addition, please note that the MTA New York City Transit is aware of homeless individuals in the subway system and is continuing to work with the Transit Bureau of the New York City Police Department to address this problem. Officers from the Transit Bureau patrol the system at all times, and New York City Transit has an aggressive program to reduce homelessness and panhandling and a public awareness campaign intended to discourage our customers from contributing to panhandlers. In addition, the MTA sponsors a social outreach group called MTA/Connections Outreach that works with homeless people in the subway, identify their problems and directing them to services providing food, shelter and treatment. The New York City Police Department’s Transit Bureau Homeless Outreach Unit and MTA Connections Outreach will be made aware of your concerns and appropriate action will be taken as warranted. If you would like further information regarding this homeless condition or MTA’s Outreach program, please call Cynthia Wilson, Program Manager, MTA Homeless Outreach at 212-878-1076. Please be assured we will continue our efforts to reduce homelessness in the subway and to ensure a proper environment for our customers.

If you have further station-related questions or concerns, we ask that you contact us at (718) 330-1234, from 6:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m., seven days a week, regarding this type of issue.

We take the concerns of our customers very seriously and thank you for having taken the time to bring this matter to our attention.

Fernando Polanco
Staff Analyst l

well, that was fast! little do they know, i also take the G, whose terminal station is also court square, and i see them routinely NOT mopping that train. just standing around with mops and making me wait while they chit chat for 10 minutes. but that's ok, because the G(reat) train is adorable and never smelly or dirty and hardly needs cleaning at all! do you know why they call it the G train? because you GET to take it!

gchatz w/ starla

starla: well

unfortunately i am being forced to go to a wedding shower in jerzzzzzzzzzz

kylie: ew

starla: the only redeeming thing is it is close to a chick-fil-a

so we'll call the day a wash

for keeks

i searched my gmail for the earliest reference to "wbd" that hasn't been deleted. it was this chat to kylie on 12 june 2006:

me: Speaking of WBD, did you and joel get moved in alright?

kylie and joel had just moved to alphabet city from knoxville, and i was not yet in new york.

snooki, what you durin gurl?

via

daily ri ri

INTERACTIVE EDITION!

rihanna needs our help ya'll. she is following in beyonce's footsteps and releasing a fragrance. she had originally planned to name the scent route 22, but is now soliciting suggestions. if you have any ideas, leave them in the comments, and then tell rihanna HERE.

oldie but funny-ie

cats and not-their-best features.

meow mixy

so, there's this new guy in the office, and he loves to eat canned tuna. i think it's a protein, muscle building dietary thing. anyway, i think canned tuna is the most disgusting thing on the planet. it tastes horrible, and it stinks like a can of wet cat food. for this reason, i have decided to name him fancy feast. meow.

tales from new jersey.

each morning, as i walk through the breath-taking new jersey landscape on my way to work, the highlight is almost always a pack of feral kitty kats that living around one of the buildings down the street. i usually see a woman that works there who feeds them. the kitties generally keep to themselves, hiding on the steps and peeking out at me through the railing and the bushes.

however, things took a frightening turn this morning when they swarmed in from all directions, and CHASED me down the street. by "chased", of course, i mean followed warily and inquisitively. but they did take turns dashing up ahead of me so i was continuously surrounded. their mommy needs to come back from her christmas vacation soon, because they are clearly blood-thirsty.

there are four kitties in that b-berry pic. see if you can spot them all.

eat it, new jersey.

snl was funny this week!

where do i even begin?

last night, after a supremely disappointing follow-up to the kelly-vs-bethenny episode of real housewives of nyc, bravo aired a special 30-minute preview of their newest edition of the franchise, real housewives of NeW jErSeY! if you missed it, you should totes check it out.

first things first. i have to address this logo. as you may remember, the other versions of this show have title graphics that involve the housewives all holding an iconic product of their region: an orange, a big apple, a georgia peach.
now, we all know the old saying: "nothing good has ever come out of new jersey." well, that sentiment has been reinforced by the inability of the creative minds at bravo to represent the state with anything other than the STATE ITSELF.
that being said, i'd like to take a few moments to introduce you to the new housewives (disclaimer: i have no idea how to type in a jersey accent, so read all quotes knowing that they were barely intelligible and often required rewinding two or three times.):

from left to right : teresa, jacqueline, dina, danielle, and caroline

in the event that this photo doesn't tell you everything you need to know, let's get started. the first thing that struck me upon introduction to this dynamic group of ladies is that they all seem to be intertwined into one large extended family. a family that sticks together, defends each other against all odds, and discourages outreach or the welcoming of outsiders. i dont want to use the term 'mafia', but i mean.

first up, the two sisters, dina + caroline:
they are married to 2 brothers. dina is an interior designer / event planner, has a ridiculous teenage daughter with a 'tude, and her husband never seems to be around. again, i dont want to say 'mafia'...but i mean. caroline is dina's much older sister, and she is quickly shaping up to be my favorite. her husband owns a catering event space that reminded me of this. she says things like "this family...is as thick as theives." and "i'm looking forward to having an attorney in the family...", with regard to her son going to college.

next, the sister-in-law, jacqueline:
she recently married the brother of dina and caroline, and seems to be spending her every waking moment meekly attempting to win their approval. she's not from new jersey, and claims to be 'one of those people who always thought of new jersey as the armpit of america." she seems innocent and sweet, but i get the impression she's going to be making some waves in no time.

born-and-raised in jersey teresa:
this b looks like troubs. she wants to get some new 'bubbies', despite her 'gorgeous, built, beautiful' husband being an 'ass man'. she has 3 daughters that she prefers dress in matching clothes. but, whats most important is that in the season preview reel, we see her shouting at the 'family' and she proceeds to strip-and-flip a table. can. not. wait!

and lastly, quiet-but-clearly-insane danielle:
she's recently divorced, cant get her ex-husband to pay the settlement, so she calls and begs him every so often, despite knowing that he 'likes it'. she has a gym and tanning bed in her house, and likes to make her daughters run with her. in one scene, she is preparing for a date with a guy from the internet, a self-proclaimed 'gucci model' ten years younger than she is, with whom she has already engaged in phone-sex and described the experience as '.....wow.'

well that's all for now. i hope everyone is excited for the latest stop on the crazy-rich-women-across-america-express. this mess premieres on may 12th. we'll talk more then!