still be sure to vote, tho.

Donald Trump has a 20% chance of becoming president: https://t.co/NGAj1RRA6i pic.twitter.com/LxxBMBGcoM

— FiveThirtyEight (@FiveThirtyEight) June 30, 2016

happy powerball day!

the jackpot is big enough to buy one ticket of every number combination and still make a substantial profit when you win. but is it physically possible?

here's the nytimes official advice to you me, the winner. 

stray jungle dog wins extreme race... into our hearts

via

evan beeeeerrrrryyyyyyyyyyyy

i didn't know this happened until just now, but apparently eric berry's little brother evan berry got to return a kick in last weekend's game, and BOY DID HE EVER!

'sgo vols!!

'sgo vols!

remember when josh smith jumped right over a person?

lets talk about the magical creature named conchita wurst

have you ever heard of eurovision? apparently there is this international euro-zone song competition that has been going on since the 1950s. Past winners include ABBA, Celine Dion, and Julio Iglesias. You can sort of think of it like a miss america pageant, but only songs, and each country involved gets a vote. well conchita wurst is this singing queen fron austria who won the contest this year to some controversy. what do we call a fishy queen with a full beard? i vote for catfish.

here, someone did an internet painting of me at the exact moment i found out that i won the 2ooPz HooPz march madness bracket

go muskies, woooo!

bragging rights: i won the 2ooPz HooPz NCAA bracket challenge. i beat all of your sorry asses. you should all be ashamed of your sorry choices.


please leave your praise in the comments.   

oh yeah. this please.

check out this baby b-girl going hamburger on an older boy in a breakdancing competition for babies. her entrance move is how i go from my bed to the shower each morning, jicyww.

FOUR MORE YEARS.

#winner

thx nscience!

UPDATE : fox news finds this sort of thing offensive.

my dad's a winner!

over the weekend, he played in the par-3 tournament at old fort in the boro, and beat EVERYONE! 78 other people, including the pros! and he and his partner were the only ones to finish under par. AND he won the closest-to-the-pin prize on #8.

The 2nd annual OFMGA Par 3 Challenge had the Old Fort Golf Club showing it's teeth with cool and windy conditions making shooting a quality score very difficult. The team of Mark Kaiser and Richard Petrusha fired an awesome 2 under par 52 and were the only team in the field to best par. They also were the only team to win the "Beat the Pros" prize as Marty McCurry and Tracy Wilkins fired and even par 54. The two under par score might not seem that low but the conditions were brutal with very hard hole locations and tricky teeing grounds sprinkled throughout the course. (via)

congrats dad!!!

look what happened to my mom

on new years eve, can you believe it.

congrats mom. thanks for being a dedicated reader.

your t shirt is on the way!

remember this

ivon padilla-rodriguez speaks the truth, "dr pepper is seriously the best thing that has ever happened to me."

were you wondering what your prize was?

we won't keep you in suspense any longer.

as the 250,000 hit, Chad Lemon gets...

a date with 2Pz sometimes correspondent STARLA!!

whenever her schedule is clear, you can fly (yourself (on your own dime)) to new york city and buy her dinner and a movie. Of course Starla will choose the movie, and the dinner location. Starla has expensive taste, and many New York restaurants are cash only, so please keep this in mind.

Thank you Chad, and you're welcome.

xoxo

you did it!

we would like to congratulate reader ChAd LeMoN!!!!111 for being the 250,000th idiot to click up into 2Pz!! he writes:

"I've only been reading your blog for about two months now daily (thanks to Sara Robinson) but luckily, my job is super boring and 2Pz gives me my mid-morning giggle each day!"

he couldn't have done it without us, and you are SO welcome, chad. stay tuned. we'll be announcing your sur-PRIZE tomorrow!!!

TWOHUNDREDANDFIFTYTHOUSAND!!!!!!!

have y'all seen it?

the race to a quarter-million?

send us a screen-shot of you with the 250,000th hit, and we'll promise you a prize!

THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN

rachel's puppy will keep his name, of SIR CHARLES BARKLEY!

except that she already started calling him "bo jackson", which is confusing because it wasn't even one of the poll options. he'll always be yella bear in my heart!

congrats novak!

he beat rafa to win his first wimbledon championship.

congratulations, miss tennessee!

first runner-up means first winner, right!?!?!?

thx for the heads-up, joey tony. you pervert.